I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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