who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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