these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
