I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
