I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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