Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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