never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
