Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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