Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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