I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
