I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
