now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
