Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
