I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
