he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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