im having a threesome with these popsicles
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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