This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
