South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
