As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
