There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
