New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
