I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize