You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
