There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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