So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
