I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
