Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
These tits shall not be calmed
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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