This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He passed out mid-signature
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just pee around me
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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