I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
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