Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want her autograph on my taint
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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