Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
