the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize