Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
