I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
