i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need water and some morals
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
