rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
