I wish I could teleport
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
