my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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