David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
