maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
