he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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