Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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