By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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