Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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