2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
