Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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