No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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