He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You dont lie about slip and slides
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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