I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
