The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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