After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
