There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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