Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
