Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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