My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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