So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
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