I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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