After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
