i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
