Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
