Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
