just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
