We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
