Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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