Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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