Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
