My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
