it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
