i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize