Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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