My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
