i think my tv is drunk
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
