So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
