My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
no you cant smoke seaweed
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
